Stranger Than Fiction by mathiasgranger

Rating: PG13
Genres: Drama, Humor
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 7
Published: 03/10/2007
Last Updated: 03/10/2007
Status: Completed

What if Harry Potter could actually hear JKR narrate the story of his years at Hogwarts? What
would he do to stop Jo from writing the epilogue, when all he could do was talk to her?




1. Stranger Than Fiction
------------------------

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, JKR does…the idea from the story was inspired
by the movie “Stranger than Fiction” starring Will Ferrell….once again I do not take credit for
it.**

‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’

Joanne Kathleen Rowling smiled to herself as she put the finishing touches on the penultimate
chapter in the finale of her Harry Potter series of books.

*“I’ve had enough trouble for a lifetime.”* ~pg 749 Harry Potter and the Deathly
Hallows

As she printed out a hard copy of the chapter for her editor a familiar voice sounded out, “You
do realize that you have to write a better finish than what you had planned. None of this nineteen
years later rubbish like I saw scribbled on the margins of your notes.”

Joanne shook her head fondly as she replied in a long suffering tone, “Harry, just because you
survived Voldemort don’t get a big head now and think you can dictate the story to me.”

Harry sighed before he asked, “Can I ask you a question at least?”

Jo smiled, “Certainly Harry, after all it is your story.”

“Why did you kill Remus and Tonks? I mean hasn’t Remus suffered enough already?”

Jo rubbed at her eyes tiredly, “I know, and I would have spared Remus if I could have. But, when
I saved Arthur during your fifth year I knew I had to take another father figure. Once Remus and
Tonks became a couple the sheer beauty of parents dying so their child could live in a world free
of tyranny was just too much to pass up. Don’t for a moment think I wasn’t bawling my eyes out when
it happened.”

Harry sighed, “So you’ve made another innocent child an orphan of this war. What next, are you
going to have the child’s godfather thrown into Azkaban?”

Jo grimaced before she answered, “You *are* bitter Harry, and I would think you would be
happy. You beat Voldemort and all of your best friends survived. Now you can get back together with
Ginny, and enjoy your life. What more could you reasonably hope for?”

Harry’s voice was sarcastic, “Ah yes another treat for me, my inexplicable sudden attraction to
Ginny Weasley in sixth year. Merlin I bet, I only said maybe fifty words to her before my fifth
year. Sure she went with the rest of us to the ministry, and I appreciated that more than you would
know, but she will always be Ron’s very attractive little sister.”

Jo frowned, “What you have someone else picked out?”

There was a rustling as if Harry was running a hand through his thick and messy hair, “I don’t
know, it’s not like you ever allowed me to enjoy genuine affection with a girl beyond lust. Merlin
knows that with the way Ron is I never would have had a chance with Hermione unless I fought
him….again.”

Jo furrowed her brow, “Do you resent Ron because he has Hermione? I mean she’s just like a
sister to you, nothing more.”

Harry snorted, “Oh sure, because I know exactly what it’s like to have a sister, don’t I?” After
a moment of perturbed silence he continued, “Ron has a sister and he seems to have no problems with
being an overprotective berk with Hermione either. Well, it seems to me that if anyone treats
Hermione like a sister, it would have to be Ron.”

Jo shook her head emphatically, Harry was merely a fictional character and she had no idea why
this was riling her up so, “You are just going to have to deal with your lot Harry, it’s far too
late to change anything now.”

Harry’s voice was petulant now, “At any rate, some of my dreams have had Hermione acting
anything but a sister. You know of my reaction to her at the Yule Ball, and yet you seem to think
that my drooling didn’t indicate any interest, but when Ron throws a hissy fit it means that they
are fated to be.”

Jo sighed, “It was merely a diversion Harry, that’s all you and Hermione were ever supposed to
be.”

Harry chuckled bitterly, “Oh that’s right, because the one person who stood by my side after my
name came out of the goblet was merely a sister. Where was Ginny on that one?”

Jo winced, and Harry did have a good point, “She was growing up Harry, just like Ron had to
do.”

Harry sighed heavily, “You see that’s the problem, I never needed to grow to make a connection
with Hermione. Hell I had a better connection with Luna than I ever did with Ginny. Unless you
count our lips being fused together as a connection, Ginny and I never really had more than the
physical stuff.”

Jo was starting to get angry now, “You know I could have had Voldemort kill you off, I had
planned on it for a time after writing the fifth book.”

There was a long pause before Harry quietly replied, “Maybe you should have, I mean after all of
this I’m only going to be some trophy husband to Ginny and a trophy son- in-law to Molly.”

Jo was starting to feel rather tired from the cycle of emotions Harry was taking her through,
“Harry, why didn’t you ever give me a sign that this was how you felt.”

Harry’s voice became somewhat sad, “I never thought I’d actually live, so what was the point of
making long term plans. I mean how could I ever have hoped to succeed; you surely never gave me any
lasting reason to think so. Sure I had Sirius, but you made him miserable in Grimmauld Place, which
was probably as much a reason as any other that he ran off half cocked and half prepared to fight
at the Department of Mysteries.”

Jo sniffed, “Harry, I never knew. I mean you just sort of moved on after Sirius’ death and never
said anything.”

Harry’s voice was so weary that it was palpable, “I did say something, but no one was ever
really listening the way I needed them to. Hermione at least tried, but then again after I told her
the prophecy she was always a bit more distant. She helped Ron cheat for Quidditch, but hated me
for having that blasted potions book. Why did she do that?”

Jo had now cycled on to guilt as she cleared her throat nervously, “Well, erm actually Harry
that was because I had made you and Hermione far too close by the end of the fifth book. I needed
some reason to distance to two of you.”

Harry merely replied, “Because I deserve to be lonely and miserable, not Ron right?”

Jo frowned, “Where is all this anger for Ron coming from Harry?”

Harry sighed, “Ron is still my best mate, but he abandoned me twice and I will never forget
that. Lest we forget he was named prefect when there was no reason to deny it to me. Don’t give me
the Voldemort rubbish; you’ll start sounding entirely too much like Dumbledore, the crazy old
coot.”

Jo decided to offer a counter point, “I did name you Quidditch captain sixth year.”


Harry agreed, “You did, but only after you basically kicked me out of Quidditch with the whole
Umbridge business the previous year. Then even after I was made captain you had Hermione rigging
the try outs to help Ron, and McLaggen nearly getting me killed. That’s right you really did me a
big favor there.”

Jo nodded, “So you really are harboring a lot of bitterness. I had always assumed that was
beneath you, especially considering how the Dursleys were.”

Harry grunted, “You just never really let me have anything without me paying a steep price. I
didn’t get love; I got one wet kiss from Cho and a bunch of snogs from Ginny. Family, nope because
Snape had to shove his slimy git face into my business and allowed Pettigrew to escape because of
the time we wasted dealing with him. I mean I am the main character, aren’t I?”

Jo snorted, “Rather egotistical, aren’t you?”

Harry laughed, “It’s not ego, and it’s the truth Joanne. My name is sort of in the title of
every single book, isn’t it?

Jo tried a new tact and became agreeable, “I’ll grant you that Harry, but you are my character
so how could my interpretation of you be different than the reality?”

Harry wryly replied, “Been a teenage boy lately Jo?”

Jo frowned, “What?”

Harry shook his head, “I tell you what, go back and reread the entire series before you finish
this story off. If by the end you honestly still believe that you gave me a fair shake then write
the epilogue as you had it outlined in your notes. But, if you find yourself seeing my point of
view, perhaps you can grant me one favor.”

Jo slid her glasses down her nose as she closed her eyes and questioned aloud, “What favor would
that be?”

“Put me with the girl you could most likely see me having a long and love filled marriage with.
If it is still Ginny, then fine I can’t fault you if you honestly think so. But, if you merely had
me paired off with Ginny for some sort of sick matchmaking symmetry then please do me one favor,
and don’t.”

Jo glanced up at the calendar, upon seeing she had the time to grant her beloved character’s
request she replied, “I can do that Harry.”

Harry softly replied, “Then that’s all I can ask for.”

‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’

Joanne did exactly that in the following days, and she was surprised how reading the books like
this had reignited the passion she had felt for her characters, one time long ago. She was slightly
disturbed at how all of Harry’s observations had more than just a kernel of truth to them. She had
favored certain characters during the journey when she consciously hadn’t been aware of it; she had
been lost in the forest when she should have been tending to trees.

Harry hadn’t made an appearance in her mind’s eye again, but she had a feeling he wouldn’t need
to when she finished her changes to the original epilogue. This time she had shortened the gap in
time to thirteen years, but with similar circumstances surrounding the characters as many of them
sent of their first born children to Hogwarts.

‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’

Harry and Hermione Granger-Potter were sending their son James Orion Potter to Hogwarts for his
first year, and the train station was filled with press to document the big event. James or Jamey
as he wished to be called, was nothing like you’d expect a child of the pair to be. He had auburn
hair and the brown eyes of his mother, with facial features much more like his paternal grandmother
than either of his parents. He was spared the necessity of eye glasses, but he still gave off a
very bookish air as he boarded the train with a surprisingly advanced transfiguration treatise in
his hand. Predictably Hermione was thrilled, and she even managed to poke her tongue at her husband
and their mutual best friend as they teased her about her bookish traits overpowering Harry’s
Quidditch genes.

Hermione and Ron had just never really happened after dancing around the edges of a
relationship, in the end it had worked out for the best. Their friendship had finally matured so
that the arguments of the past became the gentle teasing they enjoyed now.

Ron and Luna Weasley were also sending their first born, the rare female Weasley perhaps finally
breaking the family curse of mostly boys. Serena Weasley was a fine mixture of her parents with
strawberry blonde hair and dreamy but surprisingly expressive blue eyes taking in her surroundings.
She was friends with Jamey due to all of the time they had spent together as children, but the pair
had never truly connected as much as their parents would have hoped.

Teddy Lupin ruffled Jamey’s hair as the youngest Potter boarded the train, before he waved at
his godparents with exuberance as his hair color vacillated wildly. Teddy being a third year
student had announced his intentions at a family get together to take his ‘cousin’ under his wing
and corrupt the poor lad to the best of his abilities.

As the children boarded the train and grabbed a nearby compartment so that they could wave
goodbye to their parents, Neville and Ginny Longbottom bustled into the station, as if they were
the modern day version of Arthur and Molly Weasley. Ginny still was slim and very attractive
despite the two children she had birthed. Neville had continued on as the Herbology instructor and
was slowly working up the seniority lists at Hogwarts. Ginny worked at home as an editor for Teen
Witch Weekly, and she dragged her youngest child as quickly as the little seven year old legs could
go.

Winston Longbottom was a very serious looking boy, with Auburn hair much like Jamey’s. While he
didn’t share any of the Potter boy’s love for learning he preferred to waste his energy expounding
upon his favorite Quidditch team, Puddlemere United, to anyone and everyone who would listen.

With only a quick hug for his mother and a brisk handshake for his father he dragged his trunk
towards the train, never sparing a glance backwards.

Harry commented lightly on the young boy’s stoic disposition, “That boy takes himself far too
seriously for an 11-year-old.”

Ginny swatted at Harry as she answered, “Winston is a wonderful son, and he just might have a
bit of Percy in him is all.”

Neville chuckled and quirked an eyebrow at his wife, “Did you forget to tell me something
Gin?”

Ginny huffed, “I most certainly did not you dirty minded man. Lest we forget we have some very
young ears here, even if the rest of our friends are only having a child every decade or so.”
Turning towards Hermione and Luna she asked, “What about you two, any more plans on expanding the
families?”

Ron grinned at Harry and said, “Notice how we have no say in the matter mate.” Seeing Hermione’s
stern look he hedged his answer, “Nor should we, after all it’s not our bodies carrying the sprog,
now is it?” Luna didn’t answer other than to pat her husband’s cheek softly and give him a wink,
which in and of itself was all of the answer he needed.

Hermione decided to answer, “Harry and I have discussed it and we did decide we would try for
another one now that my baby is off to Hogwarts.” She sniffed lightly but smiled back at her
husband as he wrapped a strong arm around her and squeezed gently to signal his understanding.

Neville sighed as he glanced around the station, “Just imagine what kinds of adventures those
three will be getting up to while they are at Hogwarts. Granted, I’ll be there to keep them out of
too much trouble but one man can only do so much.”

As the train continued to board the six old friends enjoyed a companionable silence just taking
in all of the familiar sights and sounds that had made such an indelible mark on their lives. They
had indeed finished their educations, and all of them had successful careers. None of them would
have guessed that they would end up together in their present configuration, but the six that would
be forever bonded by a desperate effort to save a man from a fate worse than death no longer
dwelled on what others thought of them.

They had survived the war, and then they had proceeded to live. As Hermione reached up and
gently traced her husband’s trademark lightning bolt scar Harry smiled, and his eyes conveyed
everything to his wife, life was perfect.



